Often, co-workers will pool their money and send one arrangement from the office as a whole.  Most people put in five to ten dollars, depending on the number of people in the office and the type of arrangement being sent.  Of course, one person has to be in charge of ordering the arrangement, and if that’s you, you may find yourself wondering what exactly to get.  In most cases, a simple arrangement such as lilies or white roses is appropriate.  You don’t have to select an expensive or elaborate arrangement, especially if your office is fairly small or people did not put in much money.

If you’re sending sympathy flowers to a male co-worker, sending a bouquet may feel a bit odd.  In this case, or in any case, it’s perfectly acceptable to send a green plant.  If you’re sending the sympathy gift to your co-worker directly instead of sending it to the funeral home or church, you can also send a basket of gourmet food or fruit. 

While it’s always best to select an arrangement that speaks to the lost loved one or to the person receiving the bouquet, in some cases, this is difficult.  In these cases, sending your co-worker a traditional sympathy arrangement or a nice, non-offensive green plant may be your best option.

One of the reasons we send flowers is simple: it’s tradition, and it’s always been done.  While this isn’t the greatest reason, it is what drives many people to send flowers to the bereaved.  When something is done for so long, many people stop thinking about the why and simply continue to follow the tradition, sending plants or bouquets to the family.  No one is certain when or where this tradition started.  Some say it was originally done before modern embalming methods were used to cover the smell of decay.  Others thought flowers could help stop the spreading of illnesses associated with corpses.  In some areas, plants may even have been a symbol of the deceased soul.

Today, most people don’t think about the symbolism of flowers or using them to ward of diseases.  Instead, they see flowers a nice way of telling a friend or associate that they are sympathetic to the loss.  Flowers or plants can help cheer someone up and let them know that they have friends and relatives who are there for them in their time of need.

Another reason for sending flowers to a funeral is to add some color to the event.  While a funeral is never going to be a happy occasion, seeing the colorful flowers around the casket can help remind us that while times are sad now, life isn’t always bleak and gloomy.  If you’ve ever been to a funeral where there were only a few flower arrangements, you know exactly how flowers can affect the atmosphere.

No matter what your reasoning, sending flowers to the family or to the funeral home is always appreciated.  Show them how much you care and know that you’ve helped add a small sign of hope to a very somber event.

Where do you send your sympathy flowers?  Traditionally, they should go to the church, funeral home, or mortuary.  The proper location should be listed in the obituary, but if it is not, it is appropriate to ask the family.  Most funeral homes have a visitation or wake period where those who were close to the loved one come to pay their respects. 

If possible, you should arrange to have your sympathy flowers sent before the visitation period begins.  If you can’t, it’s still appropriate to have your arrangement sent to the funeral home before the final visitation period.  If that’s not possible, you have the option of sending your plant or flowers directly to the family’s home.  However, this may make it look like you waited until the last minute to contact the florist, especially if you knew about the loss in advance of the visitation period. 

One thing you should not do is send last minute sympathy flowers to the funeral home or church, and you should never have flowers delivered to a graveside service.  This can be incredibly disruptive, especially if the florist arrives in the middle of the service.  It’s also possible that your flowers will get lost in the shuffle of moving flowers from the funeral home or church to the graveside service and then to the family’s home.  Some churches and funeral homes will even refuse last minute deliveries so as to not cause a disruption.

Something few people know about sending sympathy flowers is that it is actually appropriate and even proper to send a plant or flower arrangement to the family up to a month after the funeral.  In fact, this can be a nice way of showing the family that you are still keeping them and their loved one in your thoughts.  Even if you sent flowers to the funeral home or church, you can still send a small “thinking of you” type arrangement to the family at a later date to remind them that they can call on you if they need to.  This can be very comforting, especially if the loss was sudden or has greatly affected a particular family member.

If you’re a part of the immediate family, you may not realize that it falls to the family to send flowers to the funeral home or church for the service.  These flowers usually include a floral spray for the casket or a spray mounted on a stand.  Sometimes family members each send a small spray, but sometimes several family members go in together.  Close friends of the family may send a spray or a basket of flowers as well.  Coworkers generally send one spray or large arrangement as a group.

If you can’t make it to the funeral, you can send flowers to the family at home.  In this case, it is appropriate to send a bouquet, a basket of flowers, a plant, or a fruit basket.  Larger sprays are usually not sent straight to the family’s home.  If you are sending flowers to a coworker or an acquaintance, you may send a basket or plant.  You may also simply send a sympathy card if you are not that close to the person.

In addition to these general guidelines, it’s also important to know if there are any cultural or religious rules of etiquette you need to follow.  For example, in the Jewish faith, flowers are not usually sent to the family but baskets of fruit or food are usually sent to the home.  If the family is a part of the Mormon church, flowers arranged in the shape of a cross are not appropriate.  Make certain you’re not inadvertently committing a cultural faux pas before you send flowers.

So what flowers are appropriate for a funeral?  People often send lilies, roses, chrysanthemums, and carnations.  However, if you know that the deceased enjoyed a particular flower or color, that is also appropriate.  Flowering plants or green plants are also a good choice since they’re easy for the family to take home or donate to a charity.  While a funeral is certainly a somber event, you don’t need to avoid bright flowers.  Basically, there is no set arrangement, color, or type of flower for a funeral.  While some flowers are more popular for this event than others, anything that shows your love and respect for the deceased is appropriate.

While it may sound crazy to some people, many families hold a small service for their family pets.  This is especially helpful if the family has young children who are deeply shaken by the loss since it gives them a chance to say goodbye and have closure.  Whether or not the family has a service, however, it is appropriate to send sympathy flowers.

Obviously, flowers sent for the loss of a family pet should be sent to the family’s residence instead of a funeral home or other location.  Any type of traditional sympathy flower arrangement can be sent.  Green plants and gourmet baskets are also acceptable.  If the family has other pets, you might even consider sending them a little basket of treats or other appropriate pet-related items.  Often, these pets grieve just like humans.  If two dogs grew up together and spent all their lives together and then one dies, the other will often become withdrawn and noticeably upset for several weeks as he or she adjusts to the loss. 

In some cases, the family may ask that instead of sending flowers or a sympathy gift, you make a donation in their pet’s memory.  These donations can be made to a local animal shelter or other organization.  Ask the family if they would like such a donation made.

When it comes to a pet’s loss, don’t underestimate the grief that the family is going through.  Losing a pet hurts, and a show of sympathy, whether it’s flowers or a donation, will surely be appreciated.

What Would the Deceased Like?

If you know the deceased loved a particular flower such as the lily, go with an arrangement that features this flower.  This makes your arrangement that much more personal.  You can even use this as a place to start writing your sympathy card, something that is also often very difficult.  If you know your loved one liked a particular color, you can also use that as a way of selecting an arrangement.  While many floral websites feature a sympathy arrangement category, don’t be afraid to look outside that section.  If you’re sending flowers in honor of a fallen veteran or soldier, you might want to look at arrangements meant for patriotic events.  These red, white, and blue bouquets may be exactly what you’re looking for.

What Would the Grieving Family Like?

Another way of selecting your sympathy arrangement is to think about what the grieving family members would like, especially a spouse or child.  You may want to send flowers you know they are partial to as a way of giving them comfort, especially if you did not know the deceased that well.  For example, if you know your friend loves to garden, you could send him or her a living plant instead of a bouquet. 

Ask for a Recommendation

Many florists have specific arrangements and plants they recommend for sympathy gifts.  If you can’t decide on what to send, you can always ask for their recommendation.  This helps take the pressure off—if they can narrow down their offerings to four or five different arrangements, it makes it much easier to select one.  This is often the way to go when ordering sympathy flowers for a co-worker who has lost a loved one, especially if you don’t know that co-worker very well.

One thing you can do is get a fresh bouquet of flowers that you know your lost loved one would enjoy.  Use this bouquet as a centerpiece for your table.  Then, when it’s time to eat, move the bouquet to in front of the chair your loved one usually sat in.  If he or she didn’t have a special spot (such as at the head of the table), select a center chair to serve as a memorial chair.  This is a nice way of making certain your loved one still has a place in your family.  If you need the table space, you can always create a small memorial using flowers and a picture of your loved on your mantle or on a small table.

Another idea is to create a memorial garden.  Fill this garden with their favorite plants and flowers, and every year at the holidays, their birthday, or the anniversary of their death, your family can spend a small amount of time in the garden remembering your loved one.  Of course, you can also visit this garden any time you miss your loved one as well.  You can also add a different plant or flower to the garden each year as a tribute.  One way of paying tribute to your loved one and making your children feel closer to him or her is to let a different child select the plant to add to the garden each year.

There are a number of other things you can do to honor and remember your loved ones during the holiday.  Light a candle, place a special ornament on your Christmas tree, or even volunteer or make a donation in his or her name.  Remember, no matter what you do, your loved one is still a part of your lives.  While you may have strong feelings of loss and grief during the holidays, you can also have feelings of hope and of joy.

Baha’i – The Baha’i faith accepts flowers at the funeral.

Buddhism – While most Buddhist funerals take place at the family’s home and not in a temple or other gathering, it is acceptable to send flowers to the family. 

Christian – Generally, the family will order the spray of flowers that will be featured on the casket itself, and many close family members will order the large sprays, wreaths, and fireside baskets.  Sending smaller arrangements and plants to the funeral home or church is completely appropriate, as is sending flowers to the family if you are unable to send flowers prior to the funeral.

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints / Mormon – Services are held at the temple, and it is appropriate to send flowers there before the services.  However, don’t send any arrangement that features flowers in the shape of a cross.

Eastern Orthodox – The Eastern Orthodox Church has a very defined period of grieving, and there are almost always three days between a person’s death and their funeral.  Flowers should be sent to the funeral home during this time.  The church places special emphasis on white flowers for a funeral.  If you can’t attend the services or send flowers during the three-day period, you may send them to the family’s home.

Hindu – While Hindu do not traditionally have flowers for a funeral, there is no specific rule that prevents you from sending flowers to the family.  Services are usually held before sundown on the day of the person’s passing, so you will most likely not be able to send flowers before the service.

Islam – Some followers of Islam find flowers a nice gesture, while others see them as inappropriate.  The best thing to do here is contact the family or local religious center and ask before you send your arrangement.

Jewish – Instead of sending floral arrangements, food or fruit baskets are usually sent to the home.  However, flowers are becoming more and more common among some of the more liberal Jewish synagogues and families, so you may wish to ask the family if you’re thinking of sending flowers.  Orthodox Jews, however, do not accept flowers at all.

Roman Catholics – Like most Christian faiths, Roman Catholics accept flowers of all types.  You should check with the church to make certain there are no restrictions regarding what sizes of flowers can be displayed (some have rules regarding large sprays of flowers).

To help you make this decision, it helps if you’ve visited the grave before and know what it looks like.  Some headstones, for example, actually have a vase built into them.  This vase is usually stone or rust-proof metal and provides the safest place to put flowers.  Of course, if many people in your family are taking flowers to the cemetery, the vase may already be in use, so you may want to have an alternative method for displaying your bouquet.

Some people prefer to take silk flowers to the cemetery since they will last longer.  These fake flowers often need to be staked down or in some other way tethered to the ground so they don’t blow away too easily.  Some silk flowers feature stems that are designed to be stuck down into the ground.

If you’re taking live flowers to the cemetery and don’t have a vase to put them in, it may help to wrap them in a bundle and lay them beside the headstone.  This helps keep the arrangement looking nice and will protect it from being blown apart. 

Remember that many cemeteries will remove all flowers and decorations from the grounds when they mow or when the arrangements start to look worn.  Be sure to find out what the cemetery policy is on flowers and other items left on the grave.  If you’ve taken something that you want back, you will need to be sure you remove it before maintenance day.

Finally, some people wonder what type of flower to place on the grave.  There really is no definite answer to this.  Some people leave lilies or roses, while others leave flowers that the loved one was particularly fond of.  Cemetery flowers are a personal decision, and you should select an arrangement that feels right to you.

Emotions run high on these dates, but often the grieving person doesn’t make his or her grief public.  This can make it difficult for friends to show their support.  In fact, many may not even know the significance of the day.  However, if you do know when the anniversary of a lost loved one is coming up, you may want to send your grieving friend a memorial gift.

Memorial gifts can be anything—a bouquet of flowers, a plant, a gift basket, anything that you think will cheer up the bereaved.  The more personal you make the gift, the more it will mean to the person.  However, even if you just send a standard sympathy arrangement, know that your acknowledgement of the anniversary of their loss is sure to help your friend.  Knowing that someone was thinking of them and took the time to comfort them is very important and can be a great source of comfort for someone who is feeling the loss of their loved one a little more than usual.